As women I think sometimes we take advantage of our identity as the fairer sex and choose to look down upon those who, maybe, aren’t quite living up to the high standard of femininity. Women are quick to call themselves loving, gracious, and forgiving, but I’ve found that women are the ones who tend to hold on to past offenses and grudges long after a man would have simply moved on. The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness and the healing needed in some relationships, but where do we look for a practical example? Of course Christ calls everyone to forgive, and to pray for her enemies, but sometimes, aren’t we just tempted to say, “But Jesus, don’t you know how she hurt me?!” Of course He does. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
God’s Word is true, accurate, complete, and living. The words of God echo truthfully throughout our lives and our circumstances. There is no part or season of life that Scripture cannot touch. When it comes to dealing with our wrongs, especially the wrongs done to us, God has given a remarkable story of redemption through one of his favorite writers, Paul.
Paul wrote a letter to his dear friend, Philemon, in regards to a delicate situation. Philemon was a wealthy citizen of Colossae, and had probably met Paul during his three-year stay in Ephesus. Philemon’s entire household believed, including his wife and adult son. But Philemon, as a wealthy citizen, also owned slaves, probably quite a few. And one of these slaves deeply wronged him. Little is known about Onesimus, except what Paul writes in his letter to Philemon and a brief mention of him in the letter to the Colossians. We do know that Onesimus was Philemon’s slave, was probably fairly young, and had committed a serious crime. He had run away from his master, Philemon, and some scholars say he had stolen considerably from him. As a well-known, wealthy, free citizen, the running away of a slave would have been highly offensive to Philemon, and cause for severe punishment should Onesimus ever be found. Lawfully speaking, and at the time some would even say ethically speaking, Philemon would have deserved to see justice, and even vengeance, served.
Let me pause to speak on this idea of deserved justice. Yes, we are wronged by people in our lives, sometimes intentionally, and sometimes not. Often though we feel the wrong must be recognized before we can move past it. Before we can forgive, the wrongdoer must ask for our forgiveness. Before we can provide grace, justice must be offered. We want our pain to be acknowledged and our inconvenience to be righted. Yet is that really what God desires from His children? Does he call us to forgive, after we have been asked for it? Are we to extend grace only after it has been begged of us? No, absolutely not. We are to live as Christ lived, to offer grace and forgiveness even to the one who does not know she needs it.
This is the lesson Paul sought to teach Philemon in his letter. The idea of reconciliation, especially after a serious wrong has been committed, is a difficult one to swallow, no matter the time or situation. Philemon felt the pain and anger at the situation much as we still do today when we are deeply wronged. Paul understood this, but he also challenged Philemon to look past it because of one very important truth. While Onesimus was away, he came into an interaction with Paul that led to his salvation. Paul had discipled him and ministered to him in such a way that he tells Philemon that he is “sending him [Onesimus] back to you, in person, that is, sending my very heart” (v. 12 NASB). Paul felt such a deep kinship with Onesimus that he felt as if a part of himself was being taken away. But he also understood just how vital this reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus was. Yet one important note to make at this point is this: Onesimus had become a Christian, and it was upon these grounds that Paul asked Philemon to offer forgiveness.
We do not get to hear from Onesimus. We have no idea what his thoughts and feelings were for his master. Something had happened that compelled him to run away, but it was Paul who was sending him back. I cannot help but wonder where his heart was at in this situation. He had discovered the saving grace of God, but he was about to face the one he had wronged so immensely. How often are we in this situation? When have we known God’s grace, but hesitate to seek out the grace of others? I believe that sometimes seeking the forgiveness of man is far more difficult because of one simple truth—we know they can refuse it. We feel secure in the sacrifice of Christ because it means we are always forgiven. But not so with those we hurt. Yet Onesimus went anyway. A man he dearly loved, a man who had led him to the throne of grace, was sending him back to his master. And so he went to seek forgiveness. If only I could always do the same.
But the main lesson is not found in Onesimus’s story, powerful as it is. Paul’s challenge is to Philemon, the wronged party. Paul tells Philemon to accept Onesimus as he would accept Paul. What if we held those who have wronged us in the same esteem as our most esteemed spiritual mentors? What if we saw the newly saved and sanctified in the same manner as those who have led us, for years, along our own spiritual journey? This is the challenge of the book of Philemon; to put aside the emotion and the desire for justice in order to see a new believer as an equal—as a sister in Christ who may not deserve our forgiveness. But then again, when do we ever deserve it ourselves?
*I wrote this devotional as a part of my final commentary in a class at LU*
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